Too Legit to Shit

I’m single, yep it’s true.  For better, or for worse, I notice things.  Can’t help it.  Like this anal guy with whom I work.  He’s particular and opinionated, and he’s also very neat and well groomed in appearance.  Every morning for the last few months since I’ve been at this company I’ve noticed that when he takes his break he leaves the office with a white plastic container and a little spray bottle under his arm.   I’m like, what the hell is that?  I see this every day, Monday through Friday, and I’m trying very hard to figure it out without being obvious, invasive or obnoxious.   (Work, ugh.  It so interferes with your personal life.)  Finally, last week, it hits me:  the dude has a shit kit.

 

Of course that was just a guess, because, like how can you ask someone if they’re carrying around a shit kit.  I’ve never worked with anybody else who walks out of the office at 11:00 A.M. and returns at 11:10 with a plastic box in tow.  Finally, I couldn’t take the suspense any longer.  We’ve kind of gotten to know each other over the past six months, so I finally just asked.  Yes, that be a shit kit.   Apparently his wife not only packs his lunch but gives him wet naps for wiping his ass.  Plus he sprays the air—whether it’s pre- or post-dump I have no clue.   What guy carries around a personal air freshener, but I guess there are other things sold out there that are just as weird.

 

Curious to to know if this is common among today’s metrosexuals, I polled a couple of guys in my yoga class.  They’d never heard of this personal hygiene habit either.  But one guys gets all, “men’s restrooms are disgusting, and guys truly are filthy assholes in a public bathroom.  Larry Craig probably wasn’t tapping out gay code in that airport restroom, he was just shaking off some pee he’d stepped in.  A shit kit is actually a really good idea.”  I’m like, whoa.   For me, being the type who does not spend a whole lot of time in men’s rooms, it was a real eye-opener.  

  

I recently heard an article on NPR that there are two types of business folks, those who shower in the morning and those who wash at night, which translates to different work habits and accomplishments.  But I think I could make an argument for the third type, the one who washes WHILE he’s at work. 

 

So, Scooter, if you are reading, thanks for breaking the mold if not the wind.